dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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