It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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