i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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