i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My bed smells like the plague
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