I just threw up on my dentist
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize