i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
