dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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