I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
