just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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