We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
