i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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