If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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