How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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