Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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