Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
