Soap is not a condiment
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
