Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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