Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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