I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
