no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
