Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
