is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize