Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
