it was like eating out sand paper
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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