I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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