she woke up with a sticky ear
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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