A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
