we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
