Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
