Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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