worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
