We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize