You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
