The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
