Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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