So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
