I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
