He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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