she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I deserve this hangover.
Success! We fucked roommates!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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