On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
