Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
