the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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