His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
