new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Four minutes until I can fart!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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