i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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