Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
