So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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