I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
