my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
