This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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