When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
