...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
