i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
