Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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