u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
