I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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