I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
