so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
