Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
