Cold hands, warm shart.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize