there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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