I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
