the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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