i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
