Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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