He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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