last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
that is very illegal...i love you.
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