im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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