I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
