Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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