No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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