i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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