I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
