I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
