I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
