So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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