You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
