I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
