sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
