I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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