I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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