yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize