i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
