so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
