I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
