i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
