Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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