dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize