imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
