You made me cry and you don't even care
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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