My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
