I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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