I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
