Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i out mim tonsoeep
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
