Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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