I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
