I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Come on in and take your pants off
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
