I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
