Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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