you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
