my mouth tastes like poor choices
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
