I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
