I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
