Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
