this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
