I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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