U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
