Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
