Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
