Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Found your dick twin last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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